I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
