I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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