there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
