I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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