I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
