I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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