if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
