so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
