I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
