He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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