Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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