i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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