ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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