i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
