i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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