my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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