Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
