this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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