Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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