I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
