A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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