I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
