Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
