He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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