shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I checked into jail on foursquare
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
