I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
