this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
