i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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