I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
