I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
