i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
