Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
