did you get engaged???
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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