My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
