We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
