break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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