FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
