Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize