We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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