Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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