Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
