What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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