he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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