Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
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i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
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I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
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