also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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