Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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