all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
