I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
