A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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