so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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