are you still at the devil's house?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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