2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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