You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
