dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
