if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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