I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
