so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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