how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Can you bring me the toilet please
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