I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
