Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
