from now on my penis is your penis
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
