Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
