I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm like, not good at living.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
