I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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