New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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