I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
