it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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