no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
