I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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