yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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