i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
this will be a night to untag.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
