It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
